Sean McCormick

Doing My Bit Pt. 3

by Sean McCormick
I’ve had a few e-mails asking how the health kick is going, so I figured it was probably time for another update. As of this morning, my weight is down to 239.2 lbs, for a total loss of 20.2 lbs in six weeks. Losing four more pounds will put me at my “marriage” weight. If ... Read More

Darwin Award Contenders

by Sean McCormick
While I don’t think getting yourself killed by fleeing the police in a high-speed chase is notable enough to garner a Darwin Award these days, the fact that these two Edmonton youths managed to kill themselves before (one hopes) reproducing their faulty genes should technically qualify them for the award: The Edmonton police force will ... Read More

Shock To The System

by Sean McCormick
I bought a new bathroom scale last week. The purchase was necessary as my old scale was off by so much (25 lbs) that it was starting to give results that invoked the specter of this past June’s election polls. So I stopped in at a local fitness store and asked to be shown the ... Read More

Ralphie’s Hangover Helper

by Sean McCormick
I’ve got the worst hangover ever! I’m crawling to the bathroom again It hurts so bad that I’m never gonna drink again And by my seventh shot I was invincible I would’ve never thought I’d be this miserable (WOOOOOH OOHHH OHHH) — The Worst Hangover, by The Offspring Got one of those nasty I think ... Read More

Braaaaaaaaaiinssszzzz!!

by Sean McCormick
There is much hue and cry over the imbalance between the amount of testosterone and the amount of estrogen in Paul Martin’s latest cabinet. Warren Kinsella hasn’t been this indignant since, um, the last time he was indignant. I even know of one fellow who is so worked up that he went to the effort ... Read More

Svend’s Stress Reliever

by Sean McCormick
A light fingered tasting smoothie that will leave you feeling fruitier than a jasmine scented loofah – highly recommended for those on stress leave. (Serves 2) 1 cup Skim milk 1/4 cup Fresh mango, peeled 1/4 cup Fresh nectarine, peeled 6 Fresh ice (water) cubes 6 Frozen orange juice cubes 1 Tbsp Grenadine flavouring 2 ... Read More

No Holes Barred

by Sean McCormick
I’ve been inspired to new heights as an artist and I have none other than Governor General Adrienne Clarkson to thank for it: A performance artist who once lay naked in a shallow grave with a vial of his own blood dribbling out of his anus is among seven winners of one of Canada’s most ... Read More

Meat Packers Screwing Albertans

by Sean McCormick
Props to Alberta New Democrat Brian Mason for digging this up: A draft report prepared for the Alberta Beef Industry Council paints a disturbing picture of the impact of the Alberta governments mad cow compensation package. The report claims that Alberta packers have seen their gross margins increase by 200% since May of last year, ... Read More

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