I’ve got the worst hangover ever!
I’m crawling to the bathroom again
It hurts so bad that I’m never gonna drink againAnd by my seventh shot I was invincible
I would’ve never thought I’d be this miserable(WOOOOOH OOHHH OHHH)
— The Worst Hangover, by The Offspring
Got one of those nasty I think I did something I shouldn’t have in a local homeless men’s shelter last night hangovers? Normally we’d commiserate, but most people would expect the Premier of a province like Alberta to have more common sense than that, you dumb schmuck. Not to worry, though. We’ve got just the thing to make you feel better again. (Serves 2)
- 1 cup Skim milk
- 1/2 cup Fresh (or canned) pineapple
- 6 Frozen diet ginger ale cubes
- 6 Frozen orange juice cubes
- 2 packets Sugar Twin (artificial sweetener)
Directions:
Pour your orange juice and ginger ale into ice cube trays and freeze them. Schedule a press conference while your ingredients are chillin’ and trot out Peter Elzinga to defend your actions of the previous evening. The rest of the country will be relieved to hear that you harass homeless people out of the “goodness of your heart”. Really.
Now that you’ve finished spinning a drunken escapade to the media it’s time to do the same to your hangover cure ingredients. Dump everything into the blender and pretend that you’re pureeing a bunch of Eastern Creeps and Bums. Pour into two glasses and serve. And next time, lay off the sauce already, okay? Okay.
Notes:
First and foremost, the pounding hangover headaches are usually the result of dehydration brought on by drinking too much alcohol. If you’re using this drink as a hangover remedy you’ll also want to drink some water as well, and as quickly as you can. Your brain has literally shrunk from dehydration and the headache is its way of telling you to fix that. While this smoothie will help, a good cold glass of water should still be considered your first line of defence.
You’ll find this smoothie contains several active ingredients that will help out your situation. Ginger is an effective anti-nauseant and helps to soothe the stomach. The B vitamins (both pineapple and orange juice contain vitamin B-6) will help calm the nervous system, reduce the toxic effects of alcohol, and aid in reducing the cravings for more. Vitamin C also helps to reduce the effects of alcohol toxicity. Magnesium, a mineral that pineapple is rich in, will help with the shaking, nervousness, and tension that accompany a hangover (but not with the media, unfortunately). The sudden shot of carbohydrates will help pick up your blood sugar and energy level.
The only downside is that blenders tend to be loud, and loud tends to hurt those with the morning after willies. You will probably feel like someone is having conjugal relations with your skull using a railroad spike while you’re mixing the ingredients, but we promise that the pain is worthwhile. (If you can sucker a wife, girlfriend, or Peter Elzinga into making the recipe for you, then so much the better.)
This drink is very effective for coping with the aftermath of drinking like a fish, although its author would rather not go into detail about all of the “field testing” this particular recipe received. Suffice it to say, it works. It’s also darn tasty even when you’re not hung over.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
77 Calories
0.3 g Saturated fat
0.4 g Monosaturated fat
18 g Carbohydrates
5.5 g Protein
0.5 g Dietary fibre
2 Weight Watchers POINTS™